Today is a very rough day for me. it is my ex-bf birthday. now before anyone starts with the ur a…

Today is a very rough day for me. it is my ex-bf birthday. now before anyone starts with the ur a horrible person i feel terrible about what i am about to say but in no way does that make it any less the truth.

Before i met and began dating my bf and father of my 3 kids i was in a 4 year relationship with someone i had known since I was 15 years old. I was in love with him, obsessed with him and yes at the time not in a healthy way. i did so many immature things when we were together and looking back now much older and wiser i know that i was completely in love with him and he was the love of my life/ best friend and just did not know how to handle those feelings at the time.

So after when we broke up it was completely final I never talked to him again and i didnt ser him for 5 years. Happened to be visiting my family about 2.5 years ago and was getting gas to head back home and he comes pulling in and parks at a pump close to us. my heart literally stopped ans immediately starting fluttering just as it did eveeytime i saw him the 4 years we were together. and ever since then i cant get him out of my head and i know he was and will forever be the absolute love of my life and who i should be with.

Yes i know i am terrible nobody has to tell me that but i do love my bf/kids dad but is the love i have for him simply because he is my childs father.....yes

I hate feeling this way but over the past 2 years i have just come to terms that this is what it is.