Since I learned today of this being the night Alyviah would leave this world by talking with her…

Since I learned today of this being the night Alyviah would leave this world by talking with her mama, Audrey, I have been sitting here crying off and on throughout the day. Painful tears. Hard tears. Angry tears. I have found myself being mad at God for allowing this baby girl to be born into this world, only to suffer so greatly, and then be taken back to Heaven. "Why, God, would you do this to a mother? Why would you give her this amazing blessing, only to take her back?" are just some of the questions I found myself asking. I found no answers. I just don't KNOW why. I found myself at the same time thanking God for being so amazing and for all of the blessings I have. I found myself hugging my baby tighter and wanting to cherish every moment with all of my kids and my husband more, and live each one as if its my very last. Because we really just dont ever know how much time we have, do we? We really dont know what might happen from day to day, or minute to minute. Life is oh so fragile.

But this much I do know: We all need to stop whatever we are doing tonight, and put our self in her (Audrey's) shoes. And then we need to think really hard about what we would do, how we would react, what type of response would we have. What if that was OUT child? And then, pray for this amazing woman. This brave, strong woman is stronger than I could ever hope to be. She loves her child so much that she is willing and ready to return her to the Father. I don't think I could be as giving or as selfless. I don't think I could be that strong.

Tonight, I pray for Audrey and her husband. I pray for their whole family. I have no words of comfort to heal her heart. I can't bring her baby girl back. I can't be there to hug her. But I can pray. And I can send her warm wishes from my heart. And I can hold my children tighter and I can show my family more love. I can find more time in the day to spend with each of them and to really listen when they talk. I can be a better wife. Even if my kids and husband don't get it like I do, and they don't treat me the same back....I am ready to be a better me for them. Because...you just never know.