My first labor day... This is not what you would expect to read. This is the story of my first baby.…

My first labor day...

This is not what you would expect to read. This is the story of my first baby. The baby I will never get to meet. The first baby I conceived and the first that I lost.

On July 12, 2009, my mom and I were supposed to go for a ride (motorcycle) like we did every Sunday. I didn't want to go. I had this overwhelming feeling that some thing was wrong that day. I have never felt this way before but kept insisting....to the point of yelling at my mom. She said "Fine, maybe your brother wants to go" I suddenly panicked and agreed to go. I have never before been afraid to get on a bike but as I climbed on I felt sick. We rode for a while and hit a bump. The words, "I hate you" sarcastically tumbled out of my mouth. There was that feeling again. I immediately apologized and said I didn't mean it. 2 minutes late my life changed forever. I was flying through the air. I could hear the screams of the people we rode with that day. I was laying flat on my back when I woke up. I threw off my helmet and immediately looked for her. I found her. She was laying face down in the ground. I ran to her and heard the sound one never forget..."the death gurgle" Ambulance 1 arrives 10 minutes (an eternity) later. I get in with her as she comes to and begins to fight us. Sedation. Transfer to another ambulance. I crumble to the ground. Oh God.... I am pregnant! I knew. I yelled it out. I just knew. I hadn't tested or had any reason to believe I was. my period was not late and I was on birth control. how could I be...but I knew. The doc at the first hospital told me my test was negative though. After being air lifted to a trauma hospital, I spent every night for a month on the floor of an ICU waiting room. no period. I tested and there it was; a positive pregnancy test. Flash forward 2 more months. I was driving home from the daily stay at my mother's hospital bedside when this insane searing pain hit me. I yelled out loud with the pain. The phone nurse reassured me it was just ligament pain. The next day I was back at the hospital when the pain started again. I went to the restroom amd saw spotting. I felt my stomach sink. how could it lose the baby? I just made it out of the "danger zone!" This can't happen. My friend wheeled me down to the ER. They did an ultrasound and everything "looks good for right now" My pain was intensifying. The nurse held my hand and cried with me as she told me that I was going to lose the baby and that I had to go home and pass the baby there. Pass the baby? Not deliver a baby but pass.... like it was just tissue. As I walked out of the er, I felt the urge to go the bathroom. I sat down and felt everything come out. Everything.... A huge ball of blood, tissue, and...baby. My pregnancy was over. I delivered my baby but it was not yet the time for my little angel. I had gone through hell that summer but the one thing that pulled me through was prayer. My angel left this world they day it was brought into it but impacted my life forever. So this was was the labor story of a baby that never had the chance to live but was bigger than life itself. If you have experienced loss, you will know the labor of loss and also the light of hope. I have since lost another baby and delivered 2 beautiful boys. I am grateful for all of my babies and will always honor the ones we said goodbye to.