I really hope after I have Willow I can get this PPD stuff figured out. Im scared since it's this…

I really hope after I have Willow I can get this PPD stuff figured out. Im scared since it's this bad now, that it will be 50 million times worse after I have her. I really don't want to be put on depression medication, but i also don't want to be this unhappy when I should be happy. Like I keep trying, but I know it's a strain to everyone around me as well.