I just need to rant...
My SO and I have really been through hell recently. our landlord was arrested for money laundering, fraud, and we were given an eviction ordered by the court a week before I went into Labor and somehow didn't get a 30 day notice it was a week notice to get out. I went into Labor and had our son and Dallas and his family moved everything out into a storage unit on Saturday and at the time I was staying at my mom's with the baby while he stayed with his dad. of course he was upset he was away from our son so my mom allowed him to live with us if he helped around the house, walked our dog, and helped me with the baby. (not to mention I have to see a neurologist for my back because due to my JIA they had trouble threading the epidural and had to try five times and I keep getting sharp pains and numbness and tingling and have had it for three weeks. there are times I can't even move)
on top of all of that Dallas finally gets to live here. Right now, I'd rather be doing this by myself again... he doesn't get up to help, he gave the baby a pacifier which he isn't supposed to have for 30 days while I'm working on my supply for breastfeeding and now the baby is addicted to it. He has been skimping out on walking the dog and only doing 3 laps instead of 5 laps. Doesn't help and doesn't do any of the dirty work. seems like I do all the work THEN he takes the baby and cuddles and holds him... I didn't get any cuddle time with Sam this weekend but I changed all his diapers, fed, bathed, and did all the things I had to do with no cuddle time or just being able to interact with him. then we were going on a walk all together (I have a click and connect stroller and car seat) the stroller was downstairs and we had the baby in the car seat up stairs. I offered to carry the baby or lead the dog downstairs but Dallas thought he'd do both and didn't let me help me fell down the stairs after the dog pulled him and we are so lucky Sam didn't get hurt... I was irate.... I'm so upset. I begged my mom for Dallas to stay here and it seems it been more hell then when I was by myself. I'm tired of getting his snotty remarks, I'm tired of being the one to do all the dirty work then have Sam taken out of my arms, I'm tired of being disregarded and my wishes out the window for Sam. poor sam has had his sleep schedule messed up because Dallas turns the overhead light on to change him instead of the lamp and here yet again his days and nights are messed up. I've barely got any sleep, my back is killing me, I want to just cuddle my baby whom I work so hard for, our life has been flipped upside down. I have so much yet to do for the nursery. Sometimes I wonder if being a single mother would be easier then relying on someone who only does half of his part and because he thinks he's macho puts the baby in danger. tired of it. I'm exhausted, and in pain emotionally and physically. I question if this is really what I want Sam to see growing up... is this the example I want him to have...