Talk it Up

A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is! (Proverbs 15:23)

Communication is a huge issue in marriage. It is the first point of contact when you initially meet, and it provides the foundation for relational growth. Because it is so important as a foundation, there are some things to remember.

First of all, a wise master builder never overbuilds on a foundation. You simply cannot establish a superstructure on a foundation that is either too small, too thin, or too weak. Likewise, your marriage cannot grow beyond the foundation of communication.

Regardless of how long you’ve been married, communication can never become a secondary issue. In other words, sex, money, children, houses, or any aspect of marriage cannot take the place of communication as the primary base of your marriage.

When you have a house with foundation problems, the problems are typically more visible in other areas than with the foundation. Cracks in the walls, doors that won’t close, and loose flooring are merely symptoms of the real problem. You can patch and fix all you want, but you’re just going to have to keep doing it over and over again until you fix the foundation.

It is the same in marriage. When you have communication problems, it shows up in every other area. For example, when you’re not communicating you begin fighting about money, the kids, and other things. Also, it has a significant impact on your sex life. This is especially true for women.

Communication takes time and energy. Regardless of how busy you are or what sacrifices you have to make, take time to talk. Many years ago when this was a big issue for Karen and me, we took time after we put the kids to bed to sit face-to-face and talk. It transformed our marriage on every level.

We have never stopped. We talk a lot every day and we love it. It is the basis for everything we do in our marriage. It really never gets more complicated than that.

If you’ve become lazy in communicating, get to work and realize the importance of this issue. The more you learn to communicate, the stronger your marriage will be and the higher it can go.

Talk It Out | Sit in a comfortable chair or on the couch, facing each other, and take turns talking and listening. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but as you relax and begin to enjoy it, you’ll discover you really do have interesting things to talk about!

Walk It Out | Turn off the television, put down the newspaper or magazine, and take a walk together one evening. Talk about the events of your day and reconnect with each other.