have two doc appointments to get threw one they squeezed him on for (wasn't planned ) he's usually with my sister and mom that day so now I'm like I have to cancel one to go to the other

It is definitely hard trust me I was in your place for almost 6 years. One thing I will tell you is that your child will appreciate it in the long run and you will eventually either have someone worth having as your partner or you are will not but still be an awesome mom. Keep your head up!