So my husband has been selfish with being intimate .. last night I caught him jacking off. He says…

Wait I'm a little confused. You want a divorce because he was masturbating?

Separation is divorce?

Does he refuse to have sex with you?

@mamabear777, no, just wasn't sure if that's what you meant so clarifying. So my opinion is: he's obviously lying. He wasn't asleep. But I don't see the big deal? He wasn't cheating and he wasn't watching porn, right? So I guess I'm just wondering why you two would separate over that?

I mean I get it if he's been refusing sex I would be hurt, too.

@patti28, lately he has been using work and being tired as the excuses.

@mamesey, I don't understand why he'd do that if he wasn't being lustful or watching porn secretly. I don't appreciate that nor condone that if a couple is married..

@mamabear777, well if he's been refusing to be intimate with you, that's wrong. But he didn't necessarily need to be watching porn to be jacking off. Men need to release it otherwise pressure builds up. Kind of how breastfeeding moms boobs get engorged when the baby hasn't nursed in a while. If I don't feel up to sex and we don't have sex for a while, my fiancé just goes and takes care of it himself. (No porn). So I totally understand being upset if he's refusing sex with you, but jacking off instead. But I don't think masturbating alone is that big of a deal to call for a separation.

Ok I'm saying he's refusing sex so why would he need to relieve himself?? No that's just compromising his BS and I'm not buying that

Okay yeah then him refusing sex and then going and doing it himself is a bit offensive. I would be upset about that.

I would try talking to him about it and working it out. He needs to know it hurt your feelings that he refuses sex but then goes and masturbates. I wouldn't jump right to a separation. I would try talking and working it out first. But that's my opinion if it were me. Of course, we are all different

I normally would call BS on the "being asleep" thing but apparently it's possible

So I would offer seeing a sleep specialist and if he's lying, he'll probably just admit it so he doesn't have to go.

I read that too.. I thought about it than I just seen how he's been carrying himself Around us. He doesn't even eat dinner with us. I let him use my car to go to work and the fuel pump is going out. I pay insurance everything and don't even use it just him and he goes an puts a layaway on a scooter for just him.. idk maybe I'm feeling neglected an I'm finding reasons to be angry if so God. help me

@mamabear777, if he's acting distant like that, too, that's not good. Maybe you guys should go to couples counseling and find what's wrong and why he's acting that way

We're starting tomorrow with our pastor.