I woke my boyfriend for work & told him I wanted to make LOVE to him. I have NEVER told that to any guy I've ever been…

I woke my boyfriend for work & told him I wanted to make LOVE to him. I have NEVER told that to any guy I've ever been with. He is the FIRST I've said that to. Then he asked if I wanted to before he went to work. Doing it before work means a 5 minute quickie. I told him no. In my mind I thought he was gonna say yes and it would of been so special & meaningful. But it didn't end up that way. I want it to be special but I'm not sure if it's even worth it now..

Plus:

We've been trying to have a child & haven't had any luck. Things have been rocky for us the past couple months. Next month will be 2 years. Everyone around me is becoming pregnant. Some don't even want children & they are pregnant. I want a child, we both do. But it's not happening. I always end up having "symptoms" but then before I know it, aunt flow is here. I think I'm pregnant but then I never am. I blame myself, so much. I want to have a child. I want to have someone that looks at me & thinks the world of me. Wants to be with me 24/7. Loves me right when we lock eyes as I hold them for the first time.

-Things just aren't going the way I planned. And trying to talk with him just ends up in an argument.

Advice is really appreciated.

Thank you.