I swear I'm so thankful for my mom, she's been my rock through this whole thing. We definitely don't…

I swear I'm so thankful for my mom, she's been my rock through this whole thing. We definitely don't always get along but if it weren't for her I know dealing with my child's father and some of the circumstances surrounding myself and my relationship with him and just everything would be so much harder and I know I wouldn't be able to handle everything and I'd be in a really dark place. I don't tell her everything about our situation but knowing that she's always there to listen and talk and not judge helps. I have a best friend I can talk to as well but a lot of times I just feel like a burden when I tell her my problems even though she doesn't make it feel like that. I've dealt with depression and anxiety multiple times, and I've battled self harm for years (but thank god I've been in a very healthy bright place for over a year straight) and without my mom in my corner and the coping tools I've learned as well as my faith I know I'd be going down the same path. My mom is actually becoming my best friend and I love it; I know though that some days and some times now and even growing up I've treated her horribly when she's done nothing but try her hardest and best and she constantly feels like she failed in some way, shape, or form and there are days that it makes her cry, and it breaks my heart to know she feels like this from time to time and it's even worse because even though my child isn't here yet I feel like I've failed it already and have nights that I cry because I'm not able to give it two loving, consistent parents in a happy healthy household that will physically be there, and we're going to pretty much live paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet until I finish school because I can't depend on my child's father faithfully for anything without worrying, and some days I just feel like nothing I'm doing is ever enough and it's just draining. I know I'm trying my hardest and doing everything I have to do and then some, and that's all I can do, and I thank god that my mom is so supportive and uplifting, but it's hard when my child's father is so negative and always has something to say to put me down.