I was raised a way I didn't want to raise my kids, I had to grow up fast, didn't have my first sleep…

I was raised a way I didn't want to raise my kids, I had to grow up fast, didn't have my first sleep over because I had to watch my siblings and so on . I married no one the love of my life but also because he was the total opposite of my dad . Well now he acts just like him in ways . His drinking is become out of control and he doesn't see it I'm always the bad person. I just don't know what to do anymore I feel like he sees me as a joke