Just update and venting....so my ex Jason(baby's dad) and I are no longer. I finally stopped sending…

Just update and venting....so my ex Jason(baby's dad) and I are no longer. I finally stopped sending him money and stopped letting him control me, so he has stopped contacting me. The last thing he said to me was he is going to show up at the hospital and put a restraining order on my family. He thinks he will get full custody of our daughter. It's been 2 weeks since I heard from him.

Meanwhile I am hanging by a thread with my parents. I wasn't honest with them about the extent of our relationship. I told them I had stopped contacting and sending him money back in December. But I was secretly still trying to work things out with him up until 2 weeks ago.

I am in debt and hardly have any money to support myself. Right now I am just barely getting by after paying bills. My family wants to help me and my daughter and has offered but they are hurt and not as trusting of me after everything that has happened.

They will let me & Lyric come stay with them when she is born, but I will have to get back to work after 3 months so I can continue paying off my debts.

I am so sad that I can't stay home with her for at least a year. The thought of putting her in daycare so soon breaks my heart.

On top of this my mom has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, so she's going to be in recovery from chemotherapy around the time Lyric is born. Horrible timing :( I'm really feeling scared and worried for my mom and now I don't feel if it's right for me to stay with my parents as they are going thru their own crisis situations.

This past weekend I started to wonder if I can seriously be a strong single parent. The thought of adoption started crossing my mind - maybe she would be better off with a family that won't struggle financially and could spend time with her. And she would have a father who isn't threatening and abusive.

I just don't want to let her go, as I've already gave my first baby girl up for adoption. I will be seriously depressed and feel like a complete failure for having to give both my babies away. And now that I'm 32, this could be my final chance at being a mom.

I don't know what I'm going to do but I gotta figure it out soon. 😔😔😔