There are some days I look at Emmalyn and I squeeze tighter and love harder because I almost lost…

There are some days I look at Emmalyn and I squeeze tighter and love harder because I almost lost her. Any time I think about her delivery I start to get anxiety because I really almost lost her. I remember the feeling of not being able to hold her and seeing her connected to life support. Or hearing Sterlings voice in the back of my head saying "she's fighting for her life right now, they are doing everything they can to save her". Those things haunt me, yet I look at this gorgeous, healthy, strong baby girl who is hitting mile stones that she shouldn't be hitting yet and I think holy fuck we almost lost you? You, my Emmalyn fought to be here. Fought to live in this world and experience this life and to be with me. It makes my love for you 110x more.

But yet some people in my life could give two shits about her. They either don't even care to see her. Don't bother to ask how she is doing. They just simply don't care. Or the others just see her every once in a blue moon because they have too.

But the part that gets me the most is.. You saw Sterling and I ache. You saw Sterling and I worry for 16 days that she was in the NICU that she wasn't coming home. You saw her limp/lifeless body laying in that plastic box with tubes running down her throat and cords in her belly button. You heard what the doctors said and you prayed for that baby girl to make it through the night. Yet she is here, she is healthy, she is the most amazing little human being on this plant and you still do not care. She's an object to you. She is not a person. She is not family to you.

I'm sharing this photo because Sterling and I never really shared what Emmalyn looked like and what we saw the first 16 days of her life. This is what my baby girl looked like. Swollen. Lifeless. Medicated. Tired. Fighting. Connected to machine after machine. You would have never thought she would be what she is today. You see this picture and it brings feelings you never thought was there for a baby.. They make you love her deeper. Stronger. Harder. But for some people it doesn't I guess.