Last night was a nightmare. I am usually calm and collected when attending to Emmalyn in the middle…

Last night was a nightmare. I am usually calm and collected when attending to Emmalyn in the middle of the night. But I was so flustered and defeated that I let my baby actually cry it out for the very first time. I could not do it. We Co sleep and she would drift off to sleep and then I would and she would wake up screaming. We played this game for a good solid hour. And I finally said fuck it, and just listened to her cry.. Honestly it seemed like the few minutes of her crying was the best thing for her because it at least gave us two hours of sleep before she was up screaming again. Gave her a baba and she went back to sleep. Well an hour later she was up screaming again and nothing would make her happy. Lifted her legs up and she just started passing gas. She probably farted about 40 times before she finally smiled and went to sleep.

This fucking formula shit is pissing me off. Gassy, constipated, fussy, rash and generally upset. I really think she has a milk allergy right now. Thank god we have a doctors appointment today, I need guidance with that.

I have never felt more irritated with my child like I was today. I feel so defeated and ashamed of myself as a mommy for letting myself feel so mad. I'm so tired. So very very tired and I think tonight my husband finally realized how tired I really am. So after her doctors appointment I'm coming home to sleep. Thank god my dad and brother are home to help my husband hold down the fort.

This mama is so beyond defeated 😢