This may sound odd, but I love being a single mom. I have more snuggle time and bonding time with…

This may sound odd, but I love being a single mom. I have more snuggle time and bonding time with her, I get to watch her grow every single day and watch her learn new things, I get to hear her giggle and see her smile...I don't have to deal with an abusive baby daddy, an alcoholic and drug addicted baby daddy, a psychotic baby daddy, a messed up baby daddy's family...and best of all? My daughter won't grow up to know him. She'll never have to deal with his shit. He's seen her twice since she was born, because I initiated it. Before that? Month 1 of being pregnant he told me to get an abortion. Month 4 of being pregnant he told me I was unfit to be a mother and that HE and HIS FAMILY would raise her the "proper way". Month 5 he was threatening to take off with her first chance he got alone with her. Month 7, 8, and 9 I feared going outside or anywhere alone because it got back to me that he had a group of his friends ready to kick my ass, pregnant or not, and that they knew how to tamper with a person's car to where it'll flip and "look like an accident", where I'd be begging for them to kill me by the time they were done, that I'd feel the pain of having something ripped from me like he felt. I would have a friend drive behind me to work, I would have a manager walk me to my car after work and follow me home afterwards after he was seen standing by my car for 2 hours before I was to get off...that was the night my manager asked me to stay late, thankfully. Him and I still work at the same place and all I get are glares. Fast forward to the birth of my little girl. He never asked about her, never asked how she was, never asked if she needed anything. What he did ask? For her stats...birth date, time, weight, height, SS number, and that if I was going for Child support to make it "under $50 a month" because he was "saving for a car", had to "deal with his pawns", and tie up loose ends with his dealer. He would have seen her 3 times but when I asked if he wanted to see her all I got was "I need me time for myself. I'm still young". Like, no. That's all you get is you time.

People say I'm harsh for my decision...but, Yknow what? What would be harsh is to allow him to be in and out of her life like he's known to do, have her grow up wondering when and if daddy will see her or why he didn't want to see her on the scheduled day. What would be harsh is to allow her to be raised around drugs, alcohol, and women and men being in and out of daddy's house. What would be harsh is to risk her being abused. He hit me, pushed me, threw his dog into a wall, kicked his dog, pushed his mom (who's a complete and utter psycho bitch), pushed a cop, etc. I'm not risking her safety and health and mental wellbeing so he can claim to be a father for a day every so many months when it's convenient for him.

Yes, when she's older I'll give her the choice to have him be in her life or not, I'll be honest with her when she asks something about him. But until she is of the age to knowingly make such a huge decision to benefit herself? It will be my choice.

That is why I love being a single mom. Because she will not know heartbreak that young. Because she will not have to deal with an in-and-out "father". She will only know love and respect.

I hate the father of my child with a burning passion...but I love him for one reason and one reason only...he gave me an angel, and I'll be damned if I let her burn her wings being raised in a Hell.