I swear it feels like it was all my fault because of my baby dieing. Like the times when I was…

I swear it feels like it was all my fault because of my baby dieing. Like the times when I was having contractions I shouldve went on to the ER instead of being afraid and not doing anything. And somehow my water broke and Lord knows when cause I surely didnt know. And that whole time my baby was breeched and didnt have enough amniotic fluid and then he choked on his poo. Ugh why didnt I just know what was going on with my baby. I feel so terrible and hurt like my baby should be here with me in my arms