I was asked if I minded sharing my miscarriage story.. so here goes.. ***possible trigger*** I was…

I was asked if I minded sharing my miscarriage story.. so here goes..

***possible trigger***

I was 21 and dating a guy I considered one of my first real relationships. He waited for me to get over my 3yrs relationship, was a good friend, even asked me to move in with him WITH my 2 dane puppies that were dumped on me from my ex just bc he didn't want me living in the place I was (he was afraid I wasn't safe.. he had his own house and we could "just be roommates you don't even have to talk to me") lol. So I accepted the offer and things were amazing... we didn't get official for months, I worked at a bar at night bc we lived on the beach and it was a tourist attraction state (Virginia Beach).. & he worked throughout the day so we weren't down each other's necks.. it was nice. He helped care for my dogs and eventually helped me find them good homes because I couldn't provide for them like I needed :(

So, we became official haha I moved into his room he switched to mornings and asked if I minded looking for a job around the area we lived so I wouldn't have to deal with bar people.. and I did... our relationship blossomed and I was falling. first girl to meet his dad and first girl his mom ever liked and even asked me to do things with just her lol.

as you can expect, I got pregnant.. unexpectedly. it was a Thursday that I found out and my girls and I were going to JMU for the weekend to party for our friends bday.. he was gonna have guys night... I didn't tell him til I got home but we barely talked while I was gone, it seemed off... I told my girls, they were worried he wouldn't react normally... he didnt. when I got back home I told him, he secluded himself and asked me not to tell anyone.. but I told my mom.. I was scared.

We fell apart.

he'd leave his phone and I saw message between him and girl I had issues with, he confided in her.. red flag... it broke my heart, I was betrayed. He told her things he never told me, things you should tell your SO. She knew about me.. later, I shamed her for her wrongdoing, encroaching on a taken man but that she could have him.. they dated afterward.. it ended in flames...

I moved out of the room. he left the house most nights with his crappy friends who publicly humiliated me calling me a trap pro on fb and making inside jokes..

I got a red eye flight back to my mom's house that night.. he came home drunk and started loading his pistol..

I confronted him the next morning and his silence spoke volumes about everything.. so I left. Sent my stuff in 3 huge boxes to my moms, went to my Dr appt where I saw my blimp and a white flashing that said it was starting to have a heartbeat.. I watched the white flash for minutes and my print out had it on there.. I went to the airport. I was 8weeks

I missed my connecting flight and stayed over in the NC airport... I felt like a hobo lol but I met an older man who said he'd pray for me, and that's all I had going for me.. a prayer from a man who was a dj lol

I made it home and my mom scheduled me an appt .. I was due in May..I was nearing 12 weeks at this point.. still hadn't heard from the guy..

I went to the Dr appt.. my Dr couldn't find a heartbeat but he stayed peppy and smiling and guided me to the US room.. we saw the baby... but there was no heartbeat.. I didn't cry.. I didn't know what to do.. my Dr sent me for a second opinion.. my mom was with me.. I cried at the second opinion.. I cried everyday.. my Dr let me decide how I wanted to clear out my insides.. we tried naturally and my body didn't recognize that the baby had died.. so we opted for placing Cytotec inside me and I pushed the baby out 4 hours later.. I cried.. and cried... and slept.

the guy reached out to me that night... I said he was too late.. he thought I lied.. why would I? he wanted to work things out. I couldn't do that to MY angel.

I was angry.. I felt like a MC wouldn't be that way, that I'd just bleed like the other girls I knew.. I felt like my heart was being dragged along..

I've come to terms with what happened, that my baby was too beautiful for Earth.. you never get over a miscarriage but you learn to cope and live with it everyday.

Miscarriages are more common than people think and a lot of women just really don't want to relive those moments, why should they?

my miscarriage was bittersweet.. I could carry a baby to my previous Dr's saying I couldn't even conceive one, my baby saved me from a crappy guy, I matured when I saw that beautiful angel on that screen, and I became a better person with compassion.

life is too short to not be honest with people but life is too short to be brutal to people.. I was lucky enough to find the beautiful "in between" mentality of that.

my sweet angel is safe and sound though, in my heart, always ♡♡

the father still tries to this day to get me back, 5.5yrs later.. karma is a beautiful one.

I am now expecting my second child after having a beautiful babygirl ♡ there's always hope and there's always light.. just have to move the darkness from the shadow it's making (:

so to my anon inboxer, there's my MC story.. I hope it gives you the light and courage you may need for anything you have going on.

if anyone else would like to anon inbox me with an other experiences to share, I am not embarrassed of my past and I will gladly share my stories if it gives someone strength.