Trigger. Lost baby

Went in for my 20 week check up and found out our son had passed away. Nothing was wrong, my pregnancy has been going great. I'm so numb right now. I'll he delivering him later this week. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Not before Christmas. How am I'm going to tell my kids?? My dear sweet baby boy. Why did this happen?

I'm looking through my photos and I found one of my SO and I. I'm now thinking about how obsessed with him I am. I wanna see you and your man! Go! 😊

Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,

his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...

So I just found out I'm pregnant with my second baby on Thursday and I told my mom on Friday after my fiance told his mom and dad and today I was talking with my mom and if baby is a boy I'm not going to have a baby shower but if it's a girl it's going to be a small baby shower and my mom told me that I can't have another baby shower that it's now how it works. So do I have a shower or not? Any advice?

Breastfeeding moms: so I am planning on going on a 3 day vacation with my hubby & a bunch of friends to Catalina in May, (my baby won't be going with us) and I do not wanna be pumping and dumping every 2 hours out there.. so if I don't pump or breastfeed for 3-4 days, will my milk supply drop significantly? 😩😩 & I don't know how I'm gonna deal with the engorgement pain if I can't find time to pump out there.