I'm having such a hard time. I definitely think it's my depression (I'm already seeing a therapist…

I'm having such a hard time. I definitely think it's my depression (I'm already seeing a therapist who knows) today was awful.

😟😢😟😢

First Eloise had her first shot today. She stared me dead in the eyes while she cried and my heart broke. I didn't realize how much you can feel pain for your child. I'd never considered it until she was born. 😍😍😍

Then hubby and I got in a fight over stupid stuff so my mood was down.

Then we had to go to my mother in laws house because we have to go back to court tomorrow for bogus charges and court is like 2 hours away so she is watching the baby overnight so we can go. I don't want to be away from my baby. I just don't feel ready for that at all. but alas I'm an hour away from our baby trying to stop crying.

My breastmilk has been dwindling. I've doubled my water intake, had oatmeal twice a day. I ordered fenugreek capsules. I'm hoping to get it going.

my cat is missing.

my head hurts.

my heart hurts

there's no sign of our house being ready this year. I just feel so beaten down.

😧😧😧😧😧

maybe this is stupid but I feel like a half squished ant. The ones that you step on but they don't die. it just breaks their back and there stuck half curled up trying to get away but failing.

I feel like I'm done for. like it's just imminent.

so absolutely hopeless. but I can't give up yet. my daughter needs me to keep going, and I'm trying. even with the broken back. But it's all downhill. even if I pull through its just till the next breakdown.

of course I know these are problematic feelings but it's where I'm at