Been going back and forth if I even want to allow him in the room for my C. I'm almost to the point…

Been going back and forth if I even want to allow him in the room for my C. I'm almost to the point I'd rather go through all this alone just like I've done for the last 33 weeks! I feel like it'll be his punishment for not being around and being the father he should be. Just scary to think I would be there all alone.. So hard. Decisions, decisions... Some days I pray for an Emergency C just so I don't have to tell him no! That the doctors will do it for me. 😕