🚨🚨🚨RANT🚨🚨🚨 so my daughters biological father who left the state 3 years ago, stopped calling her and…

From personal experience with an absent father, it hurts more when they are in and out of your life. Better to make sure he is ready to step up not just make payments

my cousin was in a situation like this, and now her 4 year old won't even call him her daddy, at 4 she doesn't even want anything to do with him. she calls her mom's fiance "daddy" because she her biological dad was in and out of her life and made her mommy unhappy

no u go threw the same thing with my daughter and I gave them so many chances and they still want to be in there so I gave up

yeah you can't have him coming and going. that's very unstable and will hurt her more emotionally.

From experience with a dead beat even tho he didn't totally disappear he was not a constant factor n never paid any money but one thing I didn't do was cut him off as much as I wanted to I decided to let my dtr get of age and mK that choice, whenever she visited his mom if he was there he saw her. The rare occasions when he actually came thru on picking her up for a visit I allowed it n tried my best to never talk bad bout him in her presence. Once she was almost 11 she realized he was not putting forth true effort so she was like whatever by 12/13 she knew he was not being a father n she was pretty much done. He recently at 31 had a stroke that rendered him unable to speak or walk with a newborn son. My dtr went to see him told him how she felt n forgave him for not being there n tries to see him in the hospital every other week even tho he never was that consistent with her. So I say unless allowing him around is a danger to the child don't let your feelings get in the way of their relationship my dtr has a great father figure my ex has been her "dad" for over 10 years but at the end of the day there is no replacement for the bio so give him n your dtr a chance n see what happens he may be ready. The only way kids at that age start saying they don't want to see or be with their dad is because adults put that in their head. Give him a chance if he mess up this time tell him he will need to go thru legal channels for visitation going fwd

@shortiebs, @chocohunnybees @dasia sooo I'm not crazy! Smh thank you! I don't want him in and out of her life just because he gives me money that's owed to me. When I was alone I got into debt because of him. I needed credit cards just to feed us. Now thank god I have a supportive man who accepted me and my daughter and helps me so much financially! I think it will mentally mess her up if her biological dad comes and goes as he pleases! He is so selfish to leave fl to nj to go work at Applebee's and have a single life

@ginag918 well he isn't even in this state. When he left he stopped calling her and paying me. He hasn't even tried to see her. And I struggled a lot because of him when I was a single parent. Just to let him back in so easily? I know as she gets older she will realize who her dad is. Which is the person who takes care of her. I never talk about him because I don't need her to remember. And she even likes calling my hubby daddy because she sees who supports her and she likes having a real family and father figure. Bringing him in the picture with her being almost 6 years old will confuse her and like I said her real dad is 1 to be coming in and out. He is too immature and selfish to even attempt to really be in her life for real. Maybe once he matures and at that age she will know who was always really there for her which was not him. Smh 😒😒

7* years old

@ginag918 well he isn't even in this state. When he left he stopped calling her and paying me. He hasn't even tried to see her. And I struggled a lot because of him when I was a single parent. Just to let him back in so easily? I know as she gets older she will realize who her dad is. Which is the person who takes care of her. I never talk about him because I don't need her to remember. And she even likes calling my hubby daddy because she sees who supports her and she likes having a real family and father figure. Bringing him in the picture with her being almost 6 years old will confuse her and like I said her real dad is 1 to be coming in and out. He is too immature and selfish to even attempt to really be in her life for real. Maybe once he matures and at that age she will know who was always really there for her which was not him. Smh 😒😒

My personal experience with my biological father and mother is strange. First I will say it was my step-father or my sister's father who primarily raised us- he is who I consider my real father. Our mother was the one that was consistently in and out for many years, my first few years I lived with but she moved a lot, I was a new student at the same school for the first 3 years, eventually she just had me live with my sister and step-father permanently because it was a stable environment. We saw our mother semi-regularly it was always different sometimes longer, shorter, she'd even live with us sometimes. My sister, we are only two years apart I'm the oldest, she told our mom one time that when she thinks about her early memories she barely remembers our mom being there and it made my mom cry. Back then my sister and I always wanted to live and be with our mom, and I use to resent my step-father because he use to be angry all the time, now however it flipped flopped we don't really like our mom as a person, now we are working to improve our relationship, and I've come to respect and be thankful for my real father for being there. Now for my biological father, my mom told me when he found out my mom was pregnant he broke up with her but then later got back together with her and they were going to get married but (I've heard two different stories) 1. my dad cheated 2. my mom was the one cheating with my step-father, idk maybe it was both. So they split up again and my mom said it was very difficult for my father the very first couple years with me, he was present at my birth but didn't really see me for a while and then slowly he started sending b-day cards then actually seeing me and that turned into me seeing him every weekend, he wasn't really paying child support so my mom took him to court and would peg me to ask him for money which I felt very uncomfortable about so I never did, I was just really happy to see and be with him, he was the coolest person in the world to me. Things changed when I started growing out of childhood 12 years old it was an extremely emotional time for like it is for anyone but I had a traumatizing experience when I was younger and at 12 years all of that realization was hitting me, my dad was getting married to a woman named Beatrice in spain, my mom forced him to take me which I didn't care about going because I never went to my mom's wedding with her 2nd husband but yet she was making a big deal about it to my dad, anyway in spain it was very beautiful aside from the cigarette butts that flooded the streets but I did not have a pleasant experience in spain I got homesick and cried a lot it was a very emotionally stressed period for me my dad didn't know the psychological changes that were taking place within me he didn't know what to do. After spain leaving the airport was the last time I saw him. When I started junior high he called like he normally did asking if I wanted to come over for the weekend, at that time I was really into a show that plays on Saturdays and I knew he didn't have the channel so I said no, and after I haven't spoken to him until sophomore year high school because I was in inpatient at the mental hospital I had bottled up feelings I didn't talk about and my body physically reacted to it by uncontrollable twitches and that led to many tests and seeing a psychiatrist which then led to me being hospitalized for a few weeks and I missed a whole 1st semester of sophomore year. When speaking with my dad I found out him and Beatrice got divorced and he was getting married again, going to school and living in Virginia and I saw my grandparents on his side again and it was very nice but I'm not sure what happened I didn't stay in contact with them afterwards I was emailing my dad but I had lost my account and that was it... Being pregnant now I think about him more than ever and I miss him dearly, and I've had a lot of half lucid or lucid dreams with him. From all this I can tell you your daughter will want a relationship with her biological father, you won't know what will happen giving him this chance but your daughter will appreciate the opportunity.