Help me out! I really would love it if I were pregnant... But I'm so scared because I miscarried…

Help me out! I really would love it if I were pregnant... But I'm so scared because I miscarried last year and I don't want it to happen again. My cycles keep getting longer and it's hard to know if I'm pregnant or not since I'm spotting and have been for about 4 days now. Since December my cycles have been. 25 (December-January) 26 January-February 30 February- March) then 36 (March - April)My last period was April 16th-April 21st. It's now May 26th and I've only been spotting. I took a pregnancy test 3 days ago and it was a BFN. /: I miscarried last year April 10th and since then my periods haven't been a regular cycle really. Any thoughts? You think I am pregnant or no? I hate the waiting game.