8 Survival tips for new dads!! 1. If you're going to be late coming home don't wait until the last…

8 Survival tips for new dads!!

1. If you're going to be late coming home don't wait until the last minute to tell her.Remember she's been at home with the baby and may be looking for you to relieve her.

2. Come home and get in the house. When you get home this is not the time to chit chat with the neighbour. Assume that it is always chaos in the house so get inside to relieve the day shift because your wife has probably been walking around with that baby thinking "I only have to hang in there 30 more minutes....29.....28." (see point above).

3. Get excited about the baby. I know, I know, you love that little weeble more that anything, but most new mothers are territorial. So if you go in and say something like "take a shower, I've missed him all day and I can't wait to hold him" she will be more willing to go bathe, eat or generally reset to be less crazy. It's win-win.

4. Don't ask "What's for Dinner" If everyone in the house is alive when you get home that's a successful day. Aw, Buddy, c'mon. If you ask "What's for dinner?" the answer may very well be, eat cereal, order take-out or drink pumped breastmilk. Wing it.

5. Don't go on about how hard your day was., she can probably trump you. You're tired. You're stressed. Also consider that this is someone who is up all night looking at you sleeping peacefully Don't give her a reason to smother you with a nursing pillow.

6. Don't say you're babysitting. The mother of your child may be too tired to catch this slip but any woman who has had more than 20 minutes of consecutive sleep is going to do a slow, Chucky-head-turn and hiss "You're not babysitting. You're parenting. Try "Daddy Duty", "On call" and "At the helm" are always safer alternatives.

7. Don't lie on your back and hold the baby above your head facing you. They puke. Babies LOVE this and this joy often sends a surge of yak right into your who's-daddy's-airplane-open-mouth. They give no warning. They are vomit grenades.

8. Be CIA guy. Too often I think Fathers get shoved to the side and it's all about the baby, and the mom. Don't worry about it be like those awesome CIA guys who loads the dishwasher and does that slow motion body block when your dirty cousin with the cold sores tries to stick her finger in the baby's mouth.

#newdads #survival