Has anyone had 1 child and decided nomore but feel guilty?
I have an almost 3 yo, best thing ever, and my OHs daughter is 13 now. Immediately OH wanted another baby but i had PND and didn't want to go through it again. When i was younger i always wanted a 3 year gap. But my OH said no more once he is 40, which hes just turned. Last year was make or break, i was due to find out if my work contract went permnant and then we could try, but they never made me perm.
I realised our lifestyle isn't really conducive to a "family". My OH always talks about "when things are normal again" rather than accepting this is our life now. He wants spontaneous trips and just doesn't understand that isn't possible when you need to make sure you have fed your toddler, toileted and packed a million things. We went to a nature reserve yesterday for a 2 hour walk, it wasn't meant to be 2 hours but it was muddy as hell and we got lost and i just thought what a ridiculous idea it was. And how much more I'd hate it if i had to drag more children around with me, not to mention EVERYTHING is my responsibility. And now i feel bad that my LO will probably always have to be dragged around unwillingly to half-baked ideas of days out without even having to share the fun/crap day with a sibling. My relationship is rocky at the best of times as some of you know, but even if i was ever to leave i I wouldn't want another child in a different relationship, there is must too much of that in my family already. I just find myself so resentful of peoppe announcing their 2nd baby
I have an almost 3 yo, best thing ever, and my OHs daughter is 13 now. Immediately OH wanted another baby but i had PND and didn't want to go through it again. When i was younger i always wanted a 3 year gap. But my OH said no more once he is 40, which hes just turned. Last year was make or break, i was due to find out if my work contract went permnant and then we could try, but they never made me perm.
I realised our lifestyle isn't really conducive to a "family". My OH always talks about "when things are normal again" rather than accepting this is our life now. He wants spontaneous trips and just doesn't understand that isn't possible when you need to make sure you have fed your toddler, toileted and packed a million things. We went to a nature reserve yesterday for a 2 hour walk, it wasn't meant to be 2 hours but it was muddy as hell and we got lost and i just thought what a ridiculous idea it was. And how much more I'd hate it if i had to drag more children around with me, not to mention EVERYTHING is my responsibility. And now i feel bad that my LO will probably always have to be dragged around unwillingly to half-baked ideas of days out without even having to share the fun/crap day with a sibling. My relationship is rocky at the best of times as some of you know, but even if i was ever to leave i I wouldn't want another child in a different relationship, there is must too much of that in my family already. I just find myself so resentful of peoppe announcing their 2nd baby
16.02.2021
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stacey1991
Thanks Sarah I think that's where the guilt comes in, I know if I was to think of all my negative experiences I flat out would say no, which is what I've done for 3 years, and that's the reason why, and I think I feel guilty that I'm not.. living the life I wanted and giving my LO a family like I wanted because of my own shit decisions with other aspects
18.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
kelsey234
I think you need to decide in your head whether you, yourself wants another child. I went back and forth with this as my partner is not the most helpful. He will play with my son and give him lots of love but does none of the nappies, food, bedtime, bath etc. Its all on me as it as my "job" as he goes to work all day.
In the end I decided though that realistically I love being a mum, and I will be proud one day when I've brought my son and this baby up. Yes children are stressful but I didnt want to look back and regret not having another just because of my OH. I think of the memories I share growing up with my brother and I didnt want my child to miss out on that.
At the end of the day any child is a risk as the relationship could split and you could be on your own anyway, so that's why I said you yourself needs to decide what you want.
People will say oh he should be doing more but if it's not in him to do that now he wont suddenly do it if you have another, so you need to decide if you want to go ahead or not xxx
In the end I decided though that realistically I love being a mum, and I will be proud one day when I've brought my son and this baby up. Yes children are stressful but I didnt want to look back and regret not having another just because of my OH. I think of the memories I share growing up with my brother and I didnt want my child to miss out on that.
At the end of the day any child is a risk as the relationship could split and you could be on your own anyway, so that's why I said you yourself needs to decide what you want.
People will say oh he should be doing more but if it's not in him to do that now he wont suddenly do it if you have another, so you need to decide if you want to go ahead or not xxx
16.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
beebeejgill
@stacey1991, with things how they are currently it’s hard to have fun days out without it being the same thing time and time again due to limitations
But honestly you don’t need to have fun days out if you don’t want 🤷♀️ many families don’t xx
But honestly you don’t need to have fun days out if you don’t want 🤷♀️ many families don’t xx
16.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
stacey1991
@beebeejgill well that's mostly why I didn't sooner. In 3 years I haven't had a lie in, he never got up in the night to feed, he never gets up now if there is a nightmare. I mentioned this to someone else and their response was at least my expectations wouldn't be too high unlike the 1st time when I thought it was obvious he would do all these things with me. It's why I was adamant not to have another when I knew I'd have to everything by myself. But then I just think I dont want to old and regret not having another just because dad didn't wash up or get up in the night once in a while. I don't know my heads everywhere all the time
16.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
beebeejgill
@stacey1991, You make a child together so everything should be done together in my opinion
Unless his work requires him to have enough rest ( such as lorry driver etc)
But other than that I would expect him to sort out baby if you’re doing dinner, put child to bed if your clearing up after dinner etc 🤷♀️ just simple things really
I think the expectations thing is mad
A dad should just be as responsible as you 🤷♀️ xx
Unless his work requires him to have enough rest ( such as lorry driver etc)
But other than that I would expect him to sort out baby if you’re doing dinner, put child to bed if your clearing up after dinner etc 🤷♀️ just simple things really
I think the expectations thing is mad
A dad should just be as responsible as you 🤷♀️ xx
16.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
kerryy23
I think only you can make the decision on having another or not and whether you'll feel complete or whether you'll always wonder what if... All couples go through struggles, me and my OH have been through tough times in the 7 years we've been together but we've worked through them.. He also said he wanted to be done by the time he was 40 which he will turn in January next year. I don't know whether this will be our last baby or whether I'll be able to convince him for another (if I decide that's what I want after this one)
He has 5 previous children and then we have our son together.
My biggest point was his children are getting older and will be starting families of their own soon which means our baby days will be over.
Is he complete with just the one you have together?
Days out aren't everything, it's whether you feel mentally that you'd cope with another or whether you feel it would be better to keep to the one you have
He has 5 previous children and then we have our son together.
My biggest point was his children are getting older and will be starting families of their own soon which means our baby days will be over.
Is he complete with just the one you have together?
Days out aren't everything, it's whether you feel mentally that you'd cope with another or whether you feel it would be better to keep to the one you have
16.02.2021 Нравится Ответить
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With all your concerns which you openly admit on here regularly, having another child at this point isn't going to make things better for anyone. It would only make things harder for everyone.