Last month the kids were being bad. Real bad and nothing seemed to tame them. I felt overwhelmed as my body ached terribly and my fiancé was preoccupied renovating their rooms. I told the kids that they would not come back if they continued with their behavior and attitude. They didn’t listen. Ask spoke to my mother in law and told her how I felt about my pregnancy and the little help I get from my fiancé when kids are here. I also told her that I needed a weekend to ourselves. That being 3 weekends without the kids sleeping over but that we would go see them and take them out throughout the week. But she understood differently because right after the weekend with their mom ended she let’s my fiancé know that I have to stay with them for an entire week at their house because they have to go see property they might invest in out of state. I was mad because my fiancé too would be out of town that week and on top of that that weekend would be ours with the kids. It didn’t make sense to me for my mother in law to agree on me needing time to nest relax and prepare for baby shower, when not even a week after that conversation was was put into a non negotiable agreement. I’ve missed school for the kids and appointments because it’s always last minute I need you. But when I need them seems like they don’t care. What the actual fuck do I do?

See the thing that sets me off is when I have plans and my mother in law calls me to pick up where their mother can’t. Which I kinda get it. Their mom is constantly “sick” and can’t take care of them. On one occasion i got the flu and being pregnant there’s no medicine you can really take to overcome it.. it was her weekend yet my mother in law decided it’s best for the kids to come home with us as we, my fiancé and I , struggled to feel well. I strongly believe my mother in law is unfair at times because would have been able to keep them at her house while we healed. The way I see it is how can she have more compassion to an addict who she’s helped many times before and story always has same ending rather help me out by watching them on a weekend they weren’t suppose to even be with us so that we can recover from the flu. Also earlier this year, I asked to take the kids to farmers market and mother in law agreed. About three hours later my fiancé calls me to say that their mom wanted to take them to dinner. I had no problem with that. That weekend I come to find out she bailed because she had a meeting. I felt like I was being used for their convenience. Like I get to see them only when the adults need me not when I want to see the kids? I talked to my fiancé who was out of town when all this happened. I was filled with negativity and ignored everyone’s calls and text, fiancé, mother in laws and even my moms. I get a text from kids mom later that night. In the text she apologized if I thought she was mad at me and suggested meeting up to talk. I was like whaat?? But I agreed because I wanted to know more of her. This was before she completely went off the rails here. We set up a meeting the during the following week. She then immediately asked me if I could pick up the kids from camp the next day since I wasn’t answering anyone’s calls or text. In my head I thought, just proved my point. They only reach out when they need me. How can I kindly let my mother in law know that sometimes I need a break or help.

My mom just recently passed away in 2015 due to an extreme alcohol addiction that completely shot her liver. While my mom was going down this spiral and all I️ could do was sit there and watch. My step mom was that angel that came and rescued us. You might not be able to say anything when it’s comes to custody but you can step in and make sure they have the love they are not getting from their real mom. Reassure them that everything is going to be okay and let it be known that you are 100% always there to talk if they need to talk or there to answer questions. They are lacking a mother right now and usually I’m not one to say step in for the real mom but if this is how it’s going to be with their mom , maybe it’s just that time. You have the power to make them feel so loved and care for. That power is way stronger then having a say in things. When the court see’s what’s going on with her and trust me they are watching, the babies will be safely with you guys.

My stepchilds mom is the same and from what I’m aware of doesn’t even do drugs. My step daughter lives with us and goes with her mom 3 weekends out the month and she’s supposed to come see her for 2 hrs every Tuesday but doesn’t do that she only comes once. All you can really do is just step up and do for the kids as you would do for your own. Do what’s best for the kids and yourself.

As a step mom there isn't much you can do, except love those kids when they visit.

Dad has to do something, go to court deem her unfit, gain custody, whatever it is. He has to be the one to do something.

Your job is to love them as you would your own.

(As the kid of divorced parents, having a step mom that cares is good)