@mumax2 thank you, that means a lot because during my pregnancy, when id tell other gals what had happened, my own friends and family, they cringed but sort of shrugged it off, almost like it's just "one of those things". But all along I felt like it wasn't right in a way that was more than simple indecency. The same thing happened to me when I was 20! And I did get pregnant, but that ended in miscarriage. That was 17 YEARS ago and before the 2nd time happened, I ALWAYS wondered and asked around, I ever set up anonymous polls on the internet to get other people's feedback. But I never got any input that matched what I had imagined other ppl should experience when hearing of something like this happening to another woman until I asked here in mom.life!

@kristenovich I'm sorry that happened to you .

@mumax2 I said I only remembered his 1st name.

Should have said you didn't know who he was or that he was incarcerated.

Oh in that case I would just plan to not have him in your lives and try to pursue full custody for now. I'm not in LA county, sorry. Like I said, might be best to chat with your family court and they can give you info on some things.

@kambam he is SO irrational, though. I basically begged him during November last year, when I was about 7 mos pregnant, if he'd talk with me about his intentions for the baby after she was born and he just ignored me and every attempt I made to try to figure ANYTHING out so I could try to plan MY life and my daughter life accordingly.

He will turn 35 this month and he thought process and conversational skills are fundamentally stuck back at age 14! He doesn't take into account the baby's best interests or anyone else's lives and whatnot, he is something like a child on a playground grabbing at toys and saying, "that's mine!" Even if he isn't using it right then 😩

The number I had for him very early on in the year is now bunk, out of service. He told me back in Feb he might be going to jail for a "3 strikes and your out" deal based on his lengthy traffic issues with speeding and DUI. So, I don't know if his number if out of service because he's in jail or what's going on? His professional license is still active, and id imagine if you go to jail, you would lose your license as a security guard? Not positive and I'd like to know if anyone had any idea on that.

The only thing I know is his address but j just don't trust him if I'm to write a letter that he wouldn't use that letter against me somehow. He's not smart enough to do so, but the people around him are shady as all hell and he even told me how his mom threatened the mother of his nephew to give up her son to her (my baby's sperm donors mom) which she did! And that kid, he was 17 when I met him, along with my baby's sperm donor, both told me what a miserably awful human being she is and she's cruel and all she does is scream.and belittle everyone. So.i sure as shit don't want my daughter spending unsupervised time, if any time, with that woman.

Hey! KAMBAM are you in LA County? Do you remember the number or even the name of the place or any of the workers to the legal child custody services you had used back when you had? I'd REALLY appreciate it if you could share that with me! 😊

Yeah well I'm not SURE if they don't pay child support after signing rights away. I would assume they don't if you do get accepted to calworks. But calworks will always push to do the child support so that others in the system can get the benefits. Your family court can give you some info on certain legalities of what would happen if he were to sign. I went to a women's crisis center that helps you do all the work for legal action pertaining to child custody etc. Perhaps you can ask around for such a clinic/workshop? It's nice to have your back covered for this type of stuff. But I also recommend trying to have a civil conversation about your child in a safe place. If he wants to be involved and how and if he doesn't what's the most he's willing to do to make sure both of your lives will be okay. Such as, signing away his rights if it will help you.

@when_2_becomes_3 well, I consented to sex under specific circumstances. I think it's similar say, if you agree to vaginal sex but he unexpectedly goes anal without your consent.

@kambam yes, he knows and he doesn't care. He wanted me to have an abortion when I told him I was pregnant. I wish it was a law that if a man says that, then he automatically loses any rights because if I had listened to him, my daughter wouldn't be here and if it was so easy for him to say it, maybe if he was the pregnant one, he would have aborted.

When she was about 2 mos old he asked me if he could meet her- I didn't really understand why since he has 2 daughter's already by 2 diff women and doesn't enforce his custodial rights with the oldest and gave up his rights to the 2nd oldest, yet that one's mom and he have some understanding where that little girl actually lives with him half of every week. I mean, all I know is based on things he told me, so who knows what's really true and what isn't. We spent like, 8 hrs together when we met each other and talked a lot. He told me the reason he gave up his rights to his 2nd daughter was because the mom would use the judges ruling to "control" him and he didn't "like that".

He gets garnished already for the oldest kid and like I said, the middle 1 he gave up-- does that mean he isn't required to pay child support if he gave up his kid?

Oh, back back when my daughter was about 2 mos old, he asked if he could meet her. I really was against it, but I couldn't get any good feedback from even my own counselors. "Its your call" is what i was told.over and over. I don't know what I was thinking imagining my baby would be anymore special than the last 1 he had, but I theorized to myself just because he's an a-hole to me might not mean he's a bad parent? But I did tell myself if he screws THIS one meeting up, it will be the last because I won't have him disappointing and her my daughter when she's old enough to think she did something wrong when he just doesn't show up or do what he's planned and promised her.

The day came and went. I was gritting my teeth the whole damn time wanting to contact him to tell him off, even just to say, "See! I told you you don't care!" But I didn't,.not until 9 PM, when it was too late for my anger to persuade him to try to come down. His excuse was the most unimaginably ridiculous shit anyone could ever receive as a dignified answer!

He told me he went into work that morning because he forgot that he didn't have to work that day, but once he found that out, he said well I'm already here, so I might as well stay! *smacks forehead*

But that's just the thing I'm scared shitless about-- most judges don't give two shits if these morons care about these kids, they insist they have rights and if you want to fight their custody order, you ARE dragged thru some major circus-y nonsense and the parents are pointing fingers at each other because they resent one another and it takes up so much time. All the while you, the single mom who's carried alone, labored alone and raised this child on your own isn't even given a right to demand you speak with your Everything before bedtime when they're court ordered to stay the weekend with some dick and his family who are ALL complete strangers to you!!! How is that even logical just because genetics are shared???

My daughter even has MY name. He is nowhere on her birth certificate.

And I don't think it'd matter either way if I said he told me all these things about him flat out telling me her a deadbeat, because it's my word against his and he can change whatever he wants.

If you gals ever learn of anyone you know or anyone new on here as you're scrolling thru whom seems to have a similar situation as mine, would you please ask them.to contact me here so I can ask them how it worked out via Child Support and the paperwork and not knowing anything worth knowing about the "sperm donor". I'd be forever in your debts!

Does he know he has a daughter? Or care? Maybe he'll sign his rights away and go. But honestly it might be a struggle to build a case for yourself at this point and now you don't have contact with him.

I just googled it** Stealthing like the above used said, can result in rape charges. I’d do some research on it and bring it up to your caseworker. I’m sorry girl, I hope this all works out for you.

You consented to sex with a condom. You did not consent to sex without one. In my opinion you were forced into sex with out a condom. Rape doesn't have to be violent to still be rape. I'm not sure on the laws of what you are referring to, but I just did some reading on it and there is actually a term for the removal of a condom, stealthing - which is disgusting that there is a term. I believe that removing the condom without your partners knowledge is wrong and is a violation of one's body. Good luck,and I'm sorry that happend.

I personally feel that if he didn’t tell you that he removed the condom and proceeded to have sex with you and that’s how you got pregnant, that should be a good enough reason. If you didn’t know what was going on and that’s how you got pregnant, that’s not right. I want to say that it should be counted as, maybe not rape since you let him have sex with you, but sexual assault maybe