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☆♡•Mu£att○Muva•♡☆
Hey i haven’t posted or been on here in a couple years but I’m going thru something and thought maybe posting back on here would help. So I’ve been in a relationship for a year now and my kids basically decided to move in w their dad. They don’t like me in a relationship unless it’s their dad (we have been separated over 3 years), he’s not making it any easier convincing them to come back to me. He prefers them not being around my bf. I don’t like how this feels....my bf is great, and great w them...but I’m also hurting bc my kids don’t want to live w me u less I’m with their dad and that’s unfair to me. I don’t like feeling like I’m the absent parent but my bd just refuses to really be of any help. I keep getting told I’m doing the best for my kids by letting them stay where their happiest at but I’m tired of strangers or other ppl throwing in my face i don’t have my kids like I’m a bad parent when that’s not even the case. How do i handle this? I’m crying constantly, i get anger spells at my bf bc i don’t know who to blame or be mad at. Anybody else dealing with similar issues??
10.8 месяцев

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ksmommyx3

Not dealing with similar issues but umm I don't know. So when you started dating they were like we don't want to live with you anymore?? Odd. If he is good to them and you then I don't understand why you'd let them leave to go live with their father and let their father dictate who you have around them (unless he's abusive). You are the parent, toddlers dont decide where they live. If you've been separated for 3 years I'm sure they will get to understsnd that mom and dad aren't together and they can be happy with you and whoever else and dad and whoever else. From the outside looking in,I can see why some ppl may think you gave yiur children to their father so you can be childfree with a new man

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love_linds

When it’s said & done, if my kids didn’t like my boyfriend enough to avoid me at all costs, I’d drop the boyfriend. My kids would come first. They’re what’s important, not a boyfriend.

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kesh-kesh

My 8 year old has told me that I’m never allowed to leave her dad so if we were to split I know she’d have a issue if I started to date again and my 4 year old does whatever her sister does plus isn’t good around new people. Thing is kids don’t understand adult problems they don’t get that sometimes people fall out of love and that it’s better to move on. They just see I want my mom and dad. I wouldn’t of dared let them make the decision to live with their dad as long as I was capable of taking care of them. I would of offered more days at their dads and not had them around my new boyfriend. Now the oldest maybe but the little ones not at all. I’m all for letting the kids be happy and life where they want I don’t think the mother should always automatically get the kids, but it has to be for a good reason and you have to be at an age where you could make that decision.
If your ex is making it hard take him to court. Also if they don’t like your new boyfriend be sure it’s just they don’t like him because they want their dad and not because they sense something else from him that you’re not seeing. At the end of the day they are kids you make the decisions and you can’t let them walk all over you. Stand your ground. This isn’t something you want to lose the relationship with your kids over.

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harleyquinn13

Have you asked them why? How does your boyfriend feel about it?

Personally, I couldn’t be with someone my kids hated enough to live with their father. And I have to agree with the other ladies that there has to be more to the story because kids that age don’t get a say in the parent they stay with.

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kush_queen420

Take his ass to court they can’t choose shit your the mom period there not teens they have no say my kids dads were never around to begin with my oldest is 15 and the jackass sperm donor thinks he’s gonna drive from Oklahoma to pick up my kid and play house not gonna happen my ar-15 will be between his eyes and he can go cry to the court idgaf

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mom2godzillaandwonkypets

More has to be to this story and me being a mom if my kid didn't want to be around a guy I was dating I would be looking into why. Kids that young don't just not want to be around someone unless something is happening that shouldn't be. And the only one at the time would have been the older child and if they were having problems why not let them speak to the school counselor to help them process mom and dad not together. If its making you this upset then I think you should make changes to your life that will make you happy.

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mommyneedsadrink.

It definitely sounds like theres more to this story than your letting out. Children that young shouldnt have an option between parents, and normally dont from my understanding. I mean if not liking moms new BF makes it that easy too not live with mom anymore, ALOT of kids would be only living with one parent. Your situation makes no sense to me, but best of luck.

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serenity003

I’m sorry but there’s no way I could live like that. I could never be comfortable with living with a man and my kids aren’t there. If he leaves you, your kids move back in wow ? Very weird. You’re the mom. If you feel bad and you’re crying about it then make a change and explain to your kids you want them to live with you, I mean if you really do.

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mommytobeof3_2021

I agree with the prior comments as well...Particularly with a 6 yr old & 4 yr old stating as to whom they'd rather live with...It seems that the Father is more than likely placing this message in their heads...kids that young soak everything up like sponges...so definitely could be vulnerable into believing what the dad is saying to them...the 11 year old may as well fall victim to it...however, my personal opinion..children at the age aren't mentally capable to grasp the concept in depth nor should be allowed to decide where or to whom they want to live with.. Even in most states, or at least here in Georgia particularly..a child is unable to legally input as to where they want to stay until the age of 14.
Speaking of which, I'm not sure of the Legal relationship between You & dad...but you may also want to be careful, as you are giving him free leeway to paint a not so good picture in court (if he ever decided to be that petty) of "abandonment" or you not being within the kids lives or how "he takes care of them entirely"....to throw you under the Bus and get Custody of the children..😔😣...
You are the Mother. Place down your Guidelines and stipulations...A schedule for when the kids will be with whom may be a great start...As far as dating, every Woman/Man deserves to be happy... if you know within your heart Boyfriend is a genuine guy, then continue towards building and strengthening that relationship...ALWAYS take heed to what your children say and how they respond to anyone you bring within their lives..Always observe. However, I wouldn't doubt that Dad is placing the same ideas in the children about your boyfriend, to Co-side with not wanting to live with you.. Just be careful Queen. Wishing much Strength throughout your situation.💫💫❤👑

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massgirl

Like the others have said it's odd that children so young are getting a say and being vocal about it. If you're a fit parent, and have a stable relationship with your new partner then this really shouldn't be an issue. Since you say it's your ex being difficult take him to court for shared custody and visitation. Once you have a court order there shouldn't be any reason he would be keeping the kids from you when it's your designated time.

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ksmommyx3

Not dealing with similar issues but umm I don't know. So when you started dating they were like we don't want to live with you anymore?? Odd. If he is good to them and you then I don't understand why you'd let them leave to go live with their father and let their father dictate who you have around them (unless he's abusive). You are the parent, toddlers dont decide where they live. If you've been separated for 3 years I'm sure they will get to understsnd that mom and dad aren't together and they can be happy with you and whoever else and dad and whoever else. From the outside looking in,I can see why some ppl may think you gave yiur children to their father so you can be childfree with a new man

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ariliyahzihmommy3

@momgroupreject, my children are very aware of what they want and don’t want. They have sat down and even told my bds gf they don’t accept anybody in their family. My kids went bc of their dads choice then choose to stay. They do like my bf but my bd influences then to say they don’t. Just bc I’m their mother i don’t use my kids as PAWNS to make them live with me. As long as they are with one of us cool. I just was asking questions and blogging my feelings. Their father and i live 15 mins apart so they don’t see it as being away from me. Don’t ever question how my children think bc you’ve never met them to even understand them.

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momgroupreject

@ariliyahzihmommy3, you’re coming back 10 months later to comment? Lol hope your situation is less stressful for your kids.

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momgroupreject

@ariliyahzihmommy3, I think you just wanted someone to tell you it’s ok that you no longer have custody of your kids. How come they’ll live with dad and his new girlfriend but not you and your new boyfriend? It doesn’t make sense and kids don’t get to decide where they live. Good luck girl.

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momgroupreject

You let a 4 and 6 yr old have a say in where they live? Kids that young don’t have opinions about relationships unless someone is putting it in their heads that they shouldn’t be happy for you... unless the boyfriend is abusive or mean to them. I absolutely don’t understand this whatsoever.

And 11yr old *might* be validated for having those feelings but she was only 8 when y’all split so... one of you is talking about adult problems in front of children who can’t understand it and it needs to stop right away.

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