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Good morning ladies, have any of you had experience with yo…

Good morning ladies, have any of you had experience with your little one having a toxic friend?

My best friend's dd is my dd's best friend and I love my friend so much but her dd is out of control and bullies my dd. I just don't know how to approach my friend about this problem without losing our friendship.

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— That’s awesome!!! She listened to you. Most people won’t really wanna listen or be told about kids or themselves. I’m glad she took it well and with love. Your an awesome friend. It all takes time to get kids to listen. Maybe she can do little chores with them. To help them get in a Repetition mode. So like when coming inside someone’s house give them a chore have the little boy be in charge of making sure the shoes are all together. As for the girl I no lie have the same problem. And I’m working on it with dad. We noticed since her baby sisters been more she wants more attention and we understand so when the baby’s napping I’ll hang out with her and we watch movies or play or I do her hair. Maybe she can try and do something like that. Or something that involves the kids.

— Oh and of course her little girl will have a better chance of turning out great with such love and consistent boundaries and who knows? Maybe she and your daughter will be great friends with time after all. Most children act out for a reason so hopefully now that you and her mom have an idea why she is acting out you can work together to help her and her little brother.

— I am sorry that these are so long 😱

— @mommiesrmagical14 Don't be!!! I'm so happy to hear that you made progress and that you see reasons for the little girls behavior that can be helped and that you see such strong value in your friendship! That relationship is worth fighting for!!!

— @xryztalroze I tend to do that though I'm very analytical. I never assume or judge because you just don't know why someone is the way that they are and you should always approach them with love and care whether it's family friends or strangers. I could definitely see where her behaviors may have come from and my conclusion is it was during the time of the birth of her little brother but I'm pretty sure that I can help not only my friend but her daughter work through whatever issues it is that they have. Her babies are my babies!! I am a strong believer in the it takes a village to raise a child concept. So to me everybody's babies are my babies!! I will rip someone's face off for anybody's child if I had to. She is definitely worth fighting for it as a friend 💖

— @kush_queen420 @jenx @missrinaa @x_simply_wicked_x @xryztalroze @anicole3285 @love_linds @brownsugarluv @starrmarie @sourpatchkid

Hey ladies, I just wanted to let you all know I did talk to my friend a little about her kids. She told me her daughter didn't used to be like this so I asked her when she thinks it may have started and it seems to me that it started about two years ago AKA when her little brother was born so I told her that that might be the issue. That she may have felt some resentment and jealousy towards the new baby. So she started acting out to get back the attention she lost from the new baby. I gave her some pointers on things I did with my daughter and told her that she needs to put her foot down that she is their mother and not their friend. Of course that day her children started acting out. Her son kept trying to climb on my couch with his shoes on (she knows we dont wear shoes in my house) she told him no but he kept trying and would cry so she caved and didn't follow through. He tried again so I showed her what to do. I took his shoes off, he freaked out, I came to his level and told him he was told to stop he didn't listen so the shoes are gone. He refused to sit at the table and would freak out when she put him back but he just got up again and she did nothing. So again I showed her what to do. I sat him back at the table, got down to his level and told him "it is time to eat. You sit down, eat and dont get up again" and he didn't!!! I told her about the way her daughter is bossy and controlling, she said she knows. I told her she will do something to my daughter intentionally, my dd will do it back and she runs to her mom saying my dd hurt her. Also how she won't let my dd make choices during games and when my dd gets tired of her controlling and says no she runs to my friend saying my dd is being mean to her when that's not the case. She listened but didn't say much. 🤷🏻‍♀️

— @xryztalroze exactly, of course I approached her with love and care and not judgment. She knows I love her and her kids and would rip anyone's face off for them!! She is a good mom she just needs to step it up with the discipline. I also talked to her about the kids sleeping habits how her daughter will make excuses to not go to bed and she'll just cave but then complain to me when she was up until 1:30 in the morning. Or she'll complain to me that her son did you go to bed until midnight and then woke up at 4:30 in the morning but she will also tell me that she's not letting him nap but then take them home and he falls asleep at 6 and she just lets him sleep instead of pushing him for a couple more hours and then putting him to bed at a decent time. Her she is married. I know that she is going through a lot and her husband is going through a lot of his own things as well he works an odd schedule so he's not really there for her and the kids because he sleeping most of the time but then when his days off come around he still doesn't want to do anything because he said he needs his days off. Which of course is understandable but when you're a parent mother or father you don't get a day off and that's just the way it is. They are also living with her mother right now because their home was too small for all of them plus there for pets. He pushed her to sell their house when they were not ready. She wanted to wait until they found another one but like I said he pushed her to just get rid of it so they had to move in with her mother and he's giving her shit about that and he's giving her shit about his job and he's giving her shit about the kids. She's the one that takes care of the kids 24/7 and is having all the weight of finding a home thrown on her shoulders. It's been very stressful for her and they did put an offer in on the house but then decided to back out which may have cost them $10,000. She knows I got her and I told her all the time if you need to go look at a house drop the kids off and go by yourself. I tell her all the time if you just want to go to the grocery store and have a peaceful trip or grab a cup of coffee drop the kids off here. She's going to start going back to work starting next month and it's only going to be about 12 days a month but I will be taking her children for those days. I have watched them before but because of the whole covid-19. In the beginning I told her I didn't want her to pay me because she is my friend and I would rather her be there for me when I need her instead of her giving me money because she only works so many days. I'm not working right now so she just started throwing money at me. The only reason I have minutes on my phone right now is because of her. Outside of my family she is my rock my social Rock if you will. I'm a complete introvert trauma I would rather stay home with a cup of coffee and a book then go to an awesome party. She gets me out of my shell and gets me out of the house. We will get there she knows that I care about her and those kids and I know she knows I didn't mean anything by it in a negative way

— @mommiesrmagical14 Sounds to me like you both need/want one another and that is a solid foundation for you to build on. You've got the first step taken and can do so much for one another with open communication. Big hugs and many prayers for your success together. I hope whatever she is going through at home gets fixed. That's no way to live. Sounds like they could really use some professional intervention. Hoping they get the help needed. In the meantime, stay strong and continue what you've started with your friend. More of us could use a good friendship like you have. We can overcome anything with the right support. Hugs!!!

— @xryztalroze awe, thanks girl. She really is one of the best people I've ever had in my life. I hope that we can keep things going as strong as we have. I will be seeing her again one Tuesday so we will see how the kids do and how she handles it after our little conversation.

— If she can’t handle you being honest about this situation then she wasn’t your real friend in the first place. Friends listen to each other no matter what especially involving your child. We’re adults and should be able to handle situations like this. Your daughter shouldn’t have to be around other children who hit/bully her. What if this was happening at school? Would you react differently because it didn’t involve your friend? If you don’t do anything about it it’ll teach your kid it’s okay to be treated like that and that’s definitely not okay. Always stick up for yourself and your kids no matter what girl no matter who it is.
I hope this all works out well for you. Best luck.

— Yeah, I'm sure she will listen. Luckily for me my daughter seems to understand that everything that her friend has his nonsense and it's not mentally or emotionally affecting her. She's been through worse with a babysitter I had her at. There was an incident there with two little boys and the sitter never told me about it but my daughter did on our way home I turn the car right around and told her she needs to tell me things when they happen and that I wasn't going to be bringing her back. They were cussing at my daughter and she had to say those words in the car so that I knew what was happening instead of hearing it from an adult who was supposed to be watching her. But I'll be seeing my friend and her kids tomorrow so we shall see how it goes.

— @mommiesrmagical14, Really doesn’t matter if the situation is “worse” than the other or not. If it has negative/toxic things then don’t be around it. But that’s good your daughter told you and you didn’t bring her back into that.

— If she’s a real friend. She’ll listen to you. And understand what’s bothering you. Hopefully she understands that you love the friendship.

— @mommiesrmagical14, well hopefully you can talk to her. And she takes your help. Pregnant in covid sucks I would know first hand. Ughhhh glad I gave birth 2 months ago. Because I was scared to get sick.

— @starrmarie oh I would have been terrified too. Thankfully my daughter is my last child!! I just turned 37 last week I'm good!! I'm sure our conversation will go well. She is a very sweet kind understanding soul and I do absolutely love her!!

— @mommiesrmagical14,aww glad that’s the best type of person ever. Ohh okay. I recently had my 2nd child. We’re thinking of another in a few years

— And it's not just my daughter. It's everybody's kid she is like this towards everybody

— I’ve never let my kids get away with acting like this towards a friend. Hell not even a stranger at the park. Sounds like the mom needs a reality check. You need to put your foot down. Maybe she’s cool with you reprimanding her kid so she isn’t the bad guy. Either way it’s very unfair to your dd. I hope things get cleared up!

— Thanks girl, yeah I never ever let my daughter treat anyone like that and if she ever tried it would be over real quick!! That may be the case I don't know I do believe that she's afraid to reprimand her children and if I have to I will because it involves my child but she needs to step up as well

— I had a similar situation with my best friend of over 20yrs. Her 3yr old daughter is very aggressive, mean, & out of control bc my friend sets no boundaries & always uses the excuse ‘she’s just a baby’. She says she’s too young to be disciplined or corrected bc ‘she just doesn’t understand’.... and I feel like that’s just lazy parenting & a cope out bc my 2 yr old is the one she was being hurtful toward & he was aware enough to come tell me ‘____ is mean, mommy’ and he would clearly tell me what she’d do. She hits, tried to bite, throws damn near anything at other kids, pushes, & if my son would retaliate, my friend would make a comment about him ‘being too reactive’. And so after just a handful of times of letting the kids play, & her not understanding that her child was old enough to be corrected, I had to tell her that I think it’s best not to let them have play dates anymore. Her daughter would literally hit me & tell me no when I tried to correct her poor behavior. We’re still best friends, but we clearly parent differently & our kids are not compatible. Her other kid, who is older, still comes & stays at my house & calls me to come to my house on a regular basis & were in a good place with that & he’s wonderful with my boys & often complains that he needs breaks from his sister & that’s why he wants to come home with me. So it clearly an issue, not to mention my friend own mother makes comments to me about how my friend coddles her daughter & would let her get away with murder if it meant she didn’t need to parent her.

So don’t worry about putting the distance between your friends kid & your kid. If she’s truly your friend, your friendship will be fine & you’ll just adapt to your kids not being compatible.

— Approach it delicately I'd say. She is your bestfriend and maybe she doesnt realize her little one isnt being that nice to yours? Just say upfront that you love her and her kid and shes your best friend and she has a touchy subject to talk to her about and just let her know what's going on

— Oh I absolutely will be delicate. We did talk about a little bit recently but not as in-depth as the actual situation is. And I do love her and I love her kids I would do anything for her kids but they need to straighten up. I can see her frustration with her kids sometimes too I know she sees it and she hears it trust me the whole neighborhood does probably even the surrounding neighborhoods she just doesn't do anything about it

— @bluexeyedxbeauty @jenx you ladies are right, I need to let my balls drop and do what I have to do. She is my friend and I love her but I love my daughter more and my daughter deserves better. She does have other friends and like I said this shit doesn't happen with her other friends it is just this one kid.

— @xryztalroze I have them over here at my house without their mother often I babysit for my friend when she has to work and her daughter has sleepovers often as well. I'm not going to lie there are sometimes when everything goes great. My daughter knows what's going on and understands what her friend is trying to do my daughter is very smart Way Beyond her years even she on her own has gotten to the point where she's told me she's had enough and that's why I've decided it's time to talk to my friend I definitely don't want to call our friendship quiz but that's going to be up to her if she can't take my advice then that's on her. Hopefully she will listen and try and see what happens instead of blowing me off for telling her that I have an issue with her child being a bully to mine

— @mommiesrmagical14 I hope the conversation goes well. I also hope for the sake of your friendship you will find a way to address it while using kind words that truthful but sensitive towards the girl. Keep in mind that as your children grow they may not be compatible, but that doesn't mean that you and your friend have to stop being friends or hanging out. You can politely tell her everything you just said and make it clear that the children need time away from one another but that it doesn't have bearing on your friendship. I'm happy to know you value your friendship enough and hope your friend does also. Praying for it to all work out for you. Maybe with time the girls will get along better.

— @xryztalroze thank you, I will always be kind respectful and gentle to her or anyone for that matter that's just who I am. I've been working on figuring out how to approach it without sounding like a bitch how do I know that kids will grow apart and I know that she and I can continue a friendship even if we're children don't what the kids do love each other they just have a difficult time getting along because of this other child's Behavior

— No, no and again NO!

Who cares about this "friendship" you have with this person. Is it really worth putting your child through that or risking your child having future insecurities due to having this other child around? Its simple if you ask me; you come straight out and tell the parent if they dont handle the child you are NOT gonna have them around anymore and if she takes offense too it and decides to walk away from the friendship, tell her ass good riddance.

— I had that concern, as they get older, this mean kid will say things that really hurt on the inside. Taking a glow stick is one thing, but really hacking at self esteem is another, and that is coming with a person like that.

— @jenx agreed, fully. I've had my fair share of bullies grow up and my parents never stepped up to got them away from us all because we were cousins, like nope. Idgaf if iys jesus, you do NOT let that shit slide on by.

— @jenx yeah, and that's one thing that I don't want my daughter to have to go through. I always tell my daughter that she's beautiful and she's so sweet and so loving and so caring and so smart because I want her to know her worth and I don't need this irrelevant child fucking that all up for her because my daughter is an incredible kid. I was never bullied but I didn't have much self-confidence growing up kids ttied to bully me but it was always unsuccessful because I had a head on my shoulders. And that's what I want for her I want her to know that when people try to do this to her she can blow them off and not let it affect her and she has always had my permission to physically defend herself if needed

— I honestly think defining her as a toxic friend is not good. She isn't a friend at all, she is a bully. I think you need to start with your daughter and teach her that we teach other people how to treat us. That people can masquerade as friends but are actually bullies.
Just because the moms are friends doesn't mean the kids are compatible. My daughter knows that there are billions if people out there and you don't have to like and tolerate everyone. There are some people who flat out do not get along and that is okay. It isn't our job to tolerate others who treat us poorly, especially if no attempts are being made to fix it.

Your friend is raising that daughter who has no female friends, doesn't get along with her significant other, has problems at work. That's so sad.

I am not at all trying to come at you, these situations set up over time, we think they will get better, and so on.

I would put some space there. That little girl is really abusing your little girls softer, sweeter nature and that isn't okay.

— @mommiesrmagical14 that's really manipulative behavior and her mom shouldn't be playing into that at all!

— @jenx yeah, I don't recall my daughter ever doing that. She might have but I don't remember any. I have to be honest I've got a great kid and even she has come to me and told me things about this kid so even my six-year-old sees it and understands it's negative behavior. We had another one of my daughter's classmates over on Saturday as well and my husband told the other husband about this kid 15 minutes later he looked at my husband with the "yeah I see it" look.

— This is great advice @jenx

— Another thing that happened recently was her friend was over and they were playing and she had my daughter's microphone and my daughter asked if she could have it and she just dropped it on the ground instead of handing it to her. My daughter went to pick it up and I told her no you put that back down on the ground then I told her friend to pick it back up and put it in her hand. She did and then I had to explain to her that it was rude and it's not do it again

— Have you ever said anything to her about it at all?

I would probably just start off by saying, “have you ever noticed how your dd acts around my dd? I didn’t notice (🙄 of course you did but since you don’t want her to feel like you’re attacking her kid) but my dd came to me crying the other day saying that it makes her sad that dd is mean to her. Give some examples. And then ask her do you think you could talk to your dd about this?”

— @missrinaa I think my biggest issue is that this kid will do something to my daughter then my daughter will do it back then this kid will start screaming and crying and go running to her mother saying my daughter did this and that like my daughter started it like she just did it out of nowhere for no reason. She acts like she didn't do anything and my daughter did it. But my daughter did it back. Even when things are an accident she will go screaming and crying to her mom and act like it was done on purpose.

— @mommiesrmagical14, Yeah sounds like it’s time to have a serious conversation with her about it.

— @missrinaa yeah, I told myself over the weekend that the next time they came over or we went over there and there was one more incident something was going to be said. I just wanted to get some advice for some personal experiences before I did so. I'm just tired of this kid playing the victim and her mother doing nothing about it. Her father is aware of her behavior but her father is hardly around because of his work schedule. I've seen him not tolerate her behavior so I don't understand why her mother won't. They're married, they live together why are they on the same page? Cuz I'll tell you right now if my daughter acted like this kid, oh boy!! That shit would be done!!

— I’d be like say something to your kid or don’t come over simple 🤷🏼‍♀️

— @kush_queen420 thank you, if anything happens I will definitely let you know. Thank you for taking the time to listen and talk to me. 😁

— @mommiesrmagical14 I kind of disagree that she is a good mom. It doesn't matter what your kids habe or where you take them, if you don't address manipulate and bullying behaviors they have, they are going to grow up friendless, divorced, and having issues at work becausr they never learned empathy or how to treat others. She is totally missing out on the basics here and I think you and your daughter deserve better friends. <3

— @jenx yeah as a mother that is definitely something she needs to work on. You are right I can't deny that. These are things that I have been teaching my daughter as soon as she could possibly understand them. We've said the same thing she's not going to have any friends at the most what she'll have is a bunch of people that are afraid of her so don't do what she wants and pretend to be her friend. I myself have talked to this kid about her behavior and I asked her why. I told her my daughter doesn't act like you my daughter isn't bossy or snotty or controlling like you why do you do this? She started to say "well because it's me and I want what I want" but she stopped herself because even she knew that what you was about to say and her behavior are wrong but she still continues to do it and I know it's because she gets away with it. My guidance isn't enough because it's only a couple times a month it's not consistent and it's also not my job because she doesn't get away with it at my house. I know I need to talk to her mom and I will.