update: still no signs of aunt flo. at this point, i’ve lost almost all hope that i’m not gonna be pregnant. if i’m not though, i’ll be looking into a more permanent birth control. like maybe try out mirena again or the nexplanon.. i just feel like somehow maybe this pill isn’t as safe. clearly if i’m pregnant we KNOW it’s not safe lol. but if not, now i’m freaked out and convinced the control sucks. i just hate being in my head so much. sooo many thoughts go running through about what’s gonna happen if you are in fact pregnant. so many things will have to change. we have SO MUCH WORK that needs done before the baby would get here. we literally need a whole addition added on because we have no more bedrooms and marley isn’t gonna handle sharing a room so i can’t just let her share with her sisters or a new baby. and her handling a new baby in general is gonna be so hard. and it honestly makes me feel bad because i know she’s not ready to be a big sister and it’s being forced on her. she’s gonna be so jealous. and i feel her feelings will be hurt. which is hurting my feelings 😩 god i just hate this so much. i know in the end things will work. they always do and i need to just focus on that, but that’s so hard when you’re mind won’t be quiet and your anxiety is trying to kill you.

pray for me, y’all 🙏🏼