I remember my days as a teenager pretty vividly and there were many times I can recall laying in my room, staring at my ceiling with tears streaming down my face as I wished my mom would disappear, promising that when I grew up and had kids, I’d never do most of what she did.
Turns out, there were a lot of things I got all the way wrong that she got most of the way right.
10 Things I Said I’d Never Do Before Becoming a Mom (I Totally Do Them)
Say “Because I Said So”
And I so totally say because I said so at least weekly.
Bribe My Children
I would teach them right from wrong, make sure they know that no means no, and never give in to their whining at the grocery store. But then, when I really need them to stop fighting and hanging from my shin while I’m trying to wrestle my barking dog out to the yard to I can let the plumber in to stop my toilet from flooding my entire life, I may have been known to promise them an extra 30 minutes of TV. Or a Popsicle.
Let My Children Watch TV
They watch TV. Because I watch TV. I didn’t think that whole thing through.
Scream About the Lights
My dad constantly rode us for leaving the lights on. I thought he was cheap, turns out, electricity is actually freaking expensive!
Embarrass Them in Public
It’s not like I try on this one, it just happens. Although, based on the many ways they have embarrassed me in public at this point, I can’t say that I feel super terrible about it.
Choose Their Friends
I always thought my mom was being stuck up about my friends, turns out, Sally’s dad was actually INSANE! And by insane I mean he’s in jail courtesy of his crazy. As a kid I thought my mom didn’t want me over at Sally’s because they had a “fun” house without a bunch of “old people rules”. She really didn’t want me at Sally’s house because they had a dangerous house without any supervision for children. I am super particular about where my kids hang out now.
Tell Them Kids in Africa are Starving
I’m not proud, but I have sat across the table from my stubborn preschooler in a stare down, vowing to not be outwitted over green beans. I have said things about people starving in various countries. I have threatened to make them sit until the next day, serve them the same food for breakfast, and to send them to bed hungry. I caved every time because 1) seriously, who cares, and 2) green beans make me gag too so I get it. In the end, my kids all eat pretty much anything you give them at this point -as long as you give them what they like anyway.
Complain About Their Messy Rooms
Although, tbh, I don’t do it that much. As long as their mess stays in their room and it’s not actually filthy and unhealthy, I can’t really care all that much.
Lick My Finger and Clean Their Faces
Buuuuut, they are so sticky and dirty. I can’t be blamed for that.
Wear Mom Jeans
And other unfashionable clothing. But here’s the thing, I’m tired. And sometimes, that means sweatpants at playgroup. And, another thing, it’s not that I am entirely unfashionable, I am maybe what some would call formerly fashionable, meaning, for lack of a better term, my clothes and I are old. They were fashionable when I started wearing them, they just, like, aren’t right now. On the bright side, I know that if I keep them long enough they will be again!