Listen, things are about to get awkward.

Which, if you think about it, is particularly fitting for the conversation at hand.

Because for many of us, sex after baby is just that: awkward.

At least that is one way to describe it.

Which is to be expected, right?

After months and months with a third party sucking up your nutrients and distorting the heck out of your body, a painful situation wherein said third party is either forcibly pushed or cut out of your insides, and the resulting hormonal, mental, emotional, and logistical upheaval such an experience causes, one can see why “awkward” might fit here.

Along with painful, frightening, exhausting, underwhelming, unsatisfying, and bad.

Now, don’t freak out totally, it’s not all bad for all people all of the time. And, regardless, if you fall into the THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER DON’T TOUCH ME category of post-baby-sex, chances are it won’t last.

Nothing in motherhood ever does.

So let’s break it on down.

Before we get fully into this let me give you a few disclaimers here:

1. I am NOT a medical professional. All of my advice is anecdotal and/or Google based.

2. I am NOT a sex professional. My experience in this realm are limited to the standard, largely vanilla ones the majority of married and/or committed and monogamous individuals engage in when juggling parenting, work, and other elements of a well lived life. You’ve never seen me “performing” on TV or the Internet, so expect my account to be quite basic, yet relatable.

3. Don’t look past page 2 if you Google “sex after baby”. You will be horrified and misinformed.

Good?

Good.

Leygo…

Sex After Baby: A Post Baby Sex Q&A with Someone Who Has Had Plenty of Post Baby Sex

When Can I Do It?

Generally, the answer is six weeks, but understand that is not a hard and fast rule.

Some people feel ready sooner, some people don’t feel ready until later, maybe way later. We recommend you follow doctor’s orders first and your body’s orders second. Meaning, if you’re not down with the wow chicka wow wow, tell your dude to step until you are. Hormones, exhaustion, and all kinds of other emotional and physical things go on when you birth a human and some of those may impact your ability to want to get down. Wait until it feels like it might feel right, otherwise you can rest assured it will probably feel all kinds of wrong.

Will It Hurt?

Possibly. But, not necessarily.

I feel like pain is pretty subjective (I can take a lot, you might not be able to stand any). A better way to describe it universally is probably “discomfort”. I think the average woman will experience a mild to moderate amount of discomfort the first time they get into the sexy business following the birth of their baby.

Also, it might actually hurt and, if it does, you will want to go ahead and bring that up to your medical professional when you check in with her next.

Will It Be Enjoyable?

Eh. Maybe?

Some people struggle to get their groove back and others are Stella up in the bedroom. Many moms even report that sex is more enjoyable after giving birth! A lot of different factors come into play here -physical changes to your body may play a role as well as personal stuff, like how you feel about your post-baby bod, how exhausted you are, if you’re dealing with any post-partum depression stuff, and how your relationship with your partner is faring in parenthood.

A lot can be said about approach. Some people are down with the baby-is-napping quickie. Some people need soft music and candles. The people in the latter group may want to adjust their expectations because the way mom life is set up, even using the bathroom will need to be done with haste. Regardless, if you’re feeling super apprehensive, talk to your partner about your needs so some effort can be made to ensure your comfort.

{Read More: Spice Things Up With These Creative Date Night Ideas}

What If I Hate It?

That’s cool.

I mean, at first. No one is expecting you to rock any worlds straight out of the delivery room. You can ease into it. You can take time to adjust. You can put in a few requests with your partner if you need to -a challenge might be fun, in fact! Anticipate that your first couple of go’s might be underwhelming and then you may a) be in for a treat when things go off with a bang, or b) have something to work towards.

If you find yourself dreading it after a few months, you may want to chat with your medical professional about it.

What If My Partner Is Ready But I’m Not?

Too bad!

Sure, you should probably be sympathetic to your partner and listen to their needs, but you also don’t need to do anything you’re not ready to do. Ask them to be patient, think about things they can do to get you in the mood (washing the dishes is a great start if you ask me!), and then try when you’re ready. Now that the womb dweller has vacated the premises, your body is back to being yours and yours alone, and sharing it is a choice you get to make without guilt or question.

Want some more guidance and need a safe place to ask? The mom.life app is the perfect place to ask questions, find support, and connect with moms going through the same.

{Read More: 7 Things I Wish I New Before Becoming A Mom}

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>